A Brief, Embarrassing History Of Things I’ve Done To Be Liked By Men
Hi, hello, it’s been forever!
I can’t believe how long it’s been since I updated the blog—but I’m so excited to be back, especially after an incredible two-week trip to Europe (more on that in my next post, I promise). Before I get into all the photos and overthinking and revelations that came from traveling with a journal and very little phone service, I just felt the need to pop in and say hi.
The truth is, I’ve been deep in book mode lately—writing like crazy, trying to stitch together all the weird, wonderful, humiliating pieces of my past into something honest. While I was away, I found myself scribbling little observations and memories in my journal—some deep, some ridiculous—and one of them turned into this list. I reread it on the plane and thought —well, might as well let the internet judge too!
Sometimes I look back at all the weird, unhinged things I used to do to be liked by men, and I honestly can’t decide if I want to laugh, cry, or send my younger self a rescue team. The sheer amount of energy I poured into performing — into molding myself into someone cooler, chiller, more agreeable—is absurd in hindsight. I’m so glad I don’t live in that exhausting headspace anymore. Growth is a gift!
So here it is. A small offering from the chaos file, a tribute to every version of ourselves that just wanted to be liked. Bless them.
With no further ado….A Brief, Embarrassing History Of Things I’ve Done To Be Liked By Men
Watched two seasons of Rick and Morty
Pretended to like soccer
Laughed at crypto jokes
Sat through a two-hour VHS of his high school performance in Once Upon a Mattress while he narrated who was who
Hid in a closet while his drug dealer came by to drop off weed because “no one else could be there.” Sat in silence for 40 minutes
Paid extra to have an expensive bakery make their apple pie in my pan so I could pass it off as homemade
Acted as a one-woman test audience for a 38-year-old who was considering leaving his stable job in advertising to become a stand-up comedian (he wasn’t funny)
Practiced improv with him
Said I loved camping and got a UTI
Let him explain The Sopranos finale to me even though I went to film school
Let him play his band’s demo on the way to dinner
Stalked his Spotify and memorized his playlists so I could name-drop bands like I’d always been a fan
Laughed when he and his friends did Chris Farley impressions
Went to a car show and wore a vintage NASCAR tee I spent a lot of money on even though I don’t know anything about cars. Made small talk with people and pretended to know what they were talking about
Became passionate about artisanal hot sauce
Spent four hours at IKEA helping him pick out a dresser he never bought
Played with his dog and took selfies with it—even though I was allergic and my throat was closing—while pretending it was the best time of my life
I love your dog!! Do you love ME?!!
As a bonus, I’m also adding this gem I found in an old journal—written in BRIGHT RED PEN, in all caps, at a time when I was desperately trying to move on from someone who was objectively not good for me: “BOUNDARIES!” from 2015, which is giving unhinged clarity. (Good thing I told myself not to lie, not to clean, not to cook for him, and absolutely no drive-by or walk-by interactions—EVER!!!!!)
In closing, I would just like to say: if you’ve ever fully lost the plot trying to get someone to like you — same. Consider this your reminder that we don’t have to do that anymore. Growth is real. Boundaries are hot. And if he doesn’t like you without the artisanal hot sauce obsession, he’s not your guy.
Love you!